Pedestals

When Chris and I got married Bishop Leatherwood told us to always put each other on a pedestal. For me, it stuck. We talk about it a lot, and I can confidently speak for both of us when I say that we are really so happily married. I think it's because we're well-matched and super good friends, but mostly I think it's because we're both constantly putting each other on a pedestal. I could be wrong, but it seems lately like we might be in the minority on that one.

A few months ago I had a conversation with a friend that went something like this:

Me: I'm so tired lately.
Her: You should go to bed right after you put your kids to bed.
Me: Yeah, but I like to stay up and hang out with Chris.
Her: (gives a smug snicker) Oh, that's because you haven't been married long enough.

I just kind of gave a courtesy laugh at the time, but I actually felt really irritated at that conversation. First of all, it was kind of a rude and insulting thing to say, implying I don't know the ins and outs of marriage because we've only been married for a couple years. But more importantly, why does being married longer mean that I somehow get to be less considerate of my husband? I like to think I'll always be as considerate of him as I was the day we got married. And actually, the more I grow with him the more I want to consider his feelings first in everything. It just seemed like a self-entitled grouchy-wife thing to say, and I didn't like it.

In other news, my cousin recently told us that he has always put his wife on a pedestal and it has gotten him nothing but a spoiled self-entitled wife and no reciprocation. He said he loved his wife, and that he's in it for the long haul, but he's not happy. I was really really really bummed when he told us that. And I had to wonder if that's more the norm than the dynamic Chris and I have. I mean, it would seem the principle of putting each other on a pedestal only works for the greater good if both parties are doing it. So did Chris and I just luck out that we both feel like doing that for each other? Are people out there really OK with not reciprocating when their spouse puts them on a pedestal??

I don't know, it just bums me out. Love each other, you guys. Be generous. Be considerate. Don't get all comfortable and lazy, bossy and self-entitled. Put each other on a pedestal.