Learning to Fail

We've been pretty maxed out lately with my back pain, with Chris having an extremely stressful period at work, and just with the daily crazy demands of time and energy that come with having kids so young. There has been a lot of frustration and discouragement and tears under our roof lately. This week is particularly tough. I got a cortisone injection yesterday and I'm sore from that on top of my regular pain. Chris has until Friday to pass a series of tests for a new drug he's taking on, and he needs to work in Henderson all week long. So it was a tough few moments this morning when we were getting ready to part ways.

I'm not much of a sitter and wallower, and things had definitely piled up, so I made a call. I called Norma Jean, my ward Relief Society president, and filled her in. She sent over the compassionate service leader, who happens to be her mother-in-law Algie. I also sent a text out to a handful of girls who have been generously offering to help all through this trial of ours, and let them know exactly what I need this week. One thing I know not to do in a time like this is to force willing, helpful people to guess how you need help. Instead, I just spelled it out for them. Their responses, and Algie's tenderness, were overwhelming. I wanted to be mothered, or mommied really, and Algie gave me that. How sweet and empathetic and funny and tender she was, I'll always remember that and hope to emulate it. I made up a little schedule of things that I need done this week - outings for Olive and Lucy, picking up the house and doing laundry, and dinners - and my friends filled in all the holes for me. And they all offered to do more than what I had even asked for. Amazing. Generous. Good women.

And so the big lesson I learned today is how to receive service. I think the hardest thing is letting everyone know that I don't have things under control, I don't have it all together. I've really had to check my Mormon Mommy pride at the door.

Speaking of which, I was talking with Friend A tonight about Friend B who is just exceedingly talented and creative, and I said, "Friend B really does it all, doesn't she?" And Friend A said, "She can't fail." For me it was interesting that I had this conversation today of all days. Before today I would've felt threatened and insecure about my own achievements hearing Friend A say that about Friend B. I would've wanted Friend A to say such a thing about me! But after today, I'm pretty comfortable and confident in saying I can and do fail.

And that's the lesson, again, that I learned today. It's in the knowing that I can fail, in the knowing my weaknesses and limits, and in the asking for help, that I'm actually really strong. I'm strong, or strengthened, because of the girls who rallied around me today and filled in all the gaps for me. There's also a lesson here about the Atonement of Jesus Christ; it's only effective when we confess our inabilities and impossibilities, and rely on Him to fill in the gap.

I read a couple of great articles tonight about receiving service. I liked this one and this one, but the bit that articulated what I was looking for is this:

"The time will come in all our lives when we will need the assistance of others. For the time being, we may feel confident, important, and powerful, yet we should acknowledge our need for others. Tragedy can and does strike without a moment’s warning, and we could suddenly find ourselves on the receiving end of charity. How hard it will be for us then to receive a humble offering from a friend or neighbor if we are not used to both giving and receiving.

Again we are taught by Christ’s example. Not only did he give in the purest form of the law, but he gratefully and humbly received the ministering of others throughout his mortal life. Indeed, even his burial place was borrowed."

No better place to end this.