Dark Secret

I hate confessing this, but it's at the forefront of our lives at the moment: I'm having really big, bad, embarrassing mood swings with this pregnancy. Like, quick little bursts of irrational and uncontrollable anger. And if you know me, you hopefully think I'm mostly an easygoing person and that this isn't something I do. Even when it's time for mine and Chris's semiannual argument, I tend to stay pretty reasonable and calm unless I'm super duper provoked. But not right now. Right now it's almost like I'm looking for a fight, like I'm daring anyone to mess with me. Super irritable, super unforgiving of simple little accidents (which happen all the time with the tiny company I keep), and really impatient and smug. It's such an ugly set of feelings. Anyway, so this really sucks for me. For us. I'm embarrassed about it, and I hate it oh so much. Tonight I did a little Googling about it, and that only pissed me off. Well, it did make me feel a little better to know I'm not the only one who goes through it. But when I read suggested ways to cope with it I wanted to punch something. Walk away, write it out, take a mental health break... Dumb. What I do is lean on Chris a bunch, and he's so fantastic, and I stay as lazy and stress-free as I can. Which of course, means getting out of our routine and watching lots of television and letting things go undone. But that's OK right now. I hope it passes the minute I get into my second trimester. Or preferably sooner.

In other news, you should know and be forewarned that I have no hope of being anything but chubby until this baby is out and is a few months old. OK, that statement was more for me than it was for you.